A misconception’s been going around that keeps those who believe it from living a full life. A real, full, satisfied life. Of course, it keeps believers safe from looking frail or airy-fairy. It makes them seem nonchalant and powerful. But it also cuts them off from a fundamental facet of being human. From this paradigm one can exert substantial power onto the world and instigate memorable change. But one can never attain the lasting satisfaction nor interpersonal pizzazz that could otherwise help them reach their maximum potential.

It goes like this:

If I allow myself to have feelings or to make a choice through empathy I’ll look weak and may be taken for a fool. Like what mobster Paul Vitti (Robert DeNiro) said to psychiatrist Ben Sobel (Billy Crystal) during therapy in Analyze This:

Paul: “If I talk to you and you turn me into a fag, I’m gonna kill ya, you understand?”
Ben: “Could we define fag? Because some feelings may come up…”
Paul: “I go fag, you die.”
[Click the link – DeNiro says it better than anyone’s imagination 😉 ]

Those who live by this opinion assume that you can only have either heart OR balls. And it makes sense. We’ve seen the spineless new-age hippies who looove the world with all of its fluttering fairies, but who are also broke and brand “successful” people as evil and greedy.

We’ve also seen the uncompromising tycoons whose pursuits of power and success have built empires, but have also wreaked havoc in their marriages, friendships, and personal lives (does a recent President ring a bell?).

Fortunately, some have begun to “get” a different truth:
Heart and balls are not mutually exclusive.

On the contrary: each enhances the other with essential qualities the other is missing. That’s why we have both. Heart gives us love for oneself and others, unattachment, and an inclusive world-view. Balls provide courage, assertiveness, and effective choice-making. They’re both meant to be used, each in its own domain, complementing the other. To use either while excluding the other is to invoke the spineless hippie or the relentless asshole. Neither is balanced. Being open to both creates farther-reaching choices that result in better conditions for all.

In fact, it takes more balls to open the heart than to shut it down.

Think about it. It’s scarier to expose one’s feelings and to act from a vulnerable, loving place than to force one’s cock down the world’s throat. Many have been cast aside as weak and even bullied for showing empathy or respect, both quintessential qualities of the heart. And praises have been sung to those who lead the way relentlessly from their balls. (And, ladies, this “cock shoving” may also include you, although men shut down emotionally more often and tighter.)

When we open our hearts we are accepting the fact that, by nature, we are feeling beings – more so than thinking beings. Our intuition opens up, and new, more inclusive opportunities become possible. Once we dare to go beyond our ego and accept this way of being, our emotional default begins to elevate. We feel happier and more trusting, and those around us seek us out because of the magnetic energy we exude.

So, more heart doesn’t have to mean less balls. It just enables our balls to do what they do in a more evolved direction. And ultimately, the one who benefits most from having the balls to use the heart is whoever chooses to do it.

* * *
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  1. I agree! Besides, how can one be whole if he swings to one side of the spectrum? In order to be whole, or as close to it, one needs to be centered. One needs to be strong and understand his emotions so that he can deal with them accordingly.

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